Sacred Work, Snail Pace: Why I Quit Hustling to Heal

Growing up, I watched my workaholic dad go to work sick. I saw my mom refuse to “treat” herself to lunch unless she’d done a workout first. Even now, retired at 78, she won’t let herself watch TV in the middle of the day. She’s busier in retirement than I am in my forties.

Resting — actually resting — has been the work of a lifetime.

Years of conditioning taught me that rest was laziness, and that my worth was directly tied to my productivity, my paycheck, and my ability to keep grinding. I truly believed I had to earn my right to exist by staying busy.

But chasing that hustle led me straight into a dark night of the soul — one that nearly cost me my life.

When I discovered Somatic Experiencing over a decade ago — first as a client, then as a practitioner — I learned something radical: the secret sauce is slowing down. Beneath my busyness was a body begging to be felt. I realized I wasn’t just avoiding burnout — I was avoiding myself.

That need to be endlessly productive? It wasn’t strength. It was a flight response dressed up as ambition.

I used to feel like I was crawling out of my skin if I sat still for too long. Boredom felt unbearable. But with time, I learned that boredom was just a smokescreen. Underneath it was loneliness. Grief. Shame. The ache of being misunderstood.

I started using a mantra:
“It is safe to feel. It is safe to feel.”

That mantra became my medicine.

Sitting in the hot discomfort of my own body — my own feelings — became a sacred practice. And it changed everything.

In recent years, even holding space for others became too much. I hit a wall of burnout I couldn’t bypass. I had to back away. I had to stop believing my value was tied to how much I could give.

I had to get fierce for myself.

And that meant slowing way, way down.

The snail has become my spirit guide — moving one spiral at a time. No urgency. No performance. Just truth.

No more fucking hustle.
I’m healing at my own pace.
I’m doing sacred work, snail pace — and I wouldn’t have it any other way.